Gorillas in the Mist

On Dec 3, I went to a party hoping to do some FOB research. With the lure of Xbox 360's as door prizes I was certain that I'd feel like Dian Fossey in Gorillas in the Mist.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get any good (read: funny) pictures during the evening. At least the prime rib was good.

As promised, this entry will cover what is ever most on all of men's mind - women!

So how do we go about about it? Most of us have enough trouble hunting in our own racial gene pool but add to that the complexity of racial boundaries the possibilities of things going wrong are enough to make you stop before you even try.
The art of picking up women, unfortunately, is not in the scope of this blog, but I will dole out some advice on how to make yourself first of all, appealing enough for a conversation to ensue. Figuring out what to say after the first hurdle will be covered in later entries.

So, a few basic things to be mindful of and CAN be corrected if you are a FOB.

- Your speech
- Your looks
- Your SMELL

Let's start with smell. Smell, afterall, is the most primitive of all our senses. Nothing can help shoot you down faster if you smell unappealing.
Let me just tell you that going to school smelling like fried cornbeef hash didnt' help me win any popularity contests as a kid. There are a few easy ways to fix this. If you live with your folks, move out. If you live on your own and cook often, consider getting a strong ventilation fan or closing the friggin' door to your bedroom!
If you are one of those who happen to smell like a Chinese apothecary, quit with the TCM already and use some normal medicine already for crying out loud!

Now, depending on who you are, fixing the other 2 things might require a lot of work. From my point of view, fixing the way you talk is easier so let's discuss it next. I find that most FOBs perceive that they will fit in more if they try to use the colloquial tongue. There are 2 key flaws to this. First, the slang they use is often outdated or incorrectly used since they usually picked up the expressions from old TV shows at home or from locals who didn't know which context to apply certain expressions to. Secondly, I have found that it is not the content of your sentence that makes you sound FOB like, but it's your diction!

[to be cont'd]